ARE WE NOW KIDDING OUR CHILDREN WITH KINDNESS ... ?

The way we treat our children is a generational thing. In the 1800's children were expected to work to help maintain the family. The were shoved up chimneys, put out into the fields, sent into factories, hired out as skivvies. Children as young as four were working underground in the coal-mines. It may seem incredible to us now, but that's how it was then.

We've come a long way since then!

But have we gone too far?

Over time, conditions have massively improved for children. Living has improved for all of us. We no longer need our children to go out to work so that we can feed the rest of the family. (Sadly, not true for many countries in the world.)

Life has never been so good! We have as much food as we can eat. We have cheap clothes, we have substantial housing, we have jobs, we have cars, we have holidays. We have stuff! (Yes, I'm aware that this 'good life' isn't true for everyone, but compared with the 1800's, it's still pretty good.)

Children nowadays are emotionally cocooned from the moment they are born. They are cuddled and kissed and made a fuss of continually - and rightly so! (This probably wouldn't have been the case in the past, if you had six or seven or even more children, all vying for your attention.)

We have time to enjoy our children. We have cash to splash. They get new clothes - not because their old ones have worn-out, or grown-out - but because we can afford for them to have all the latest, fashionable gear. They get whatever toys they want - and not just at birthdays or Christmas. They get mobile 'phones and i-pads, and all the gadgets they want. All their material needs are met. Big-time! (Sometimes over-time!)

Experts tell us that children need to know they are loved - to say, "I love you", every day, and we do.

Experts tell us to build our children's confidence by reinforcing how good they are, how clever they are, how special they are, how precious they are. And we do.

We tell our children that they can achieve everything they aim for, do anything they want to do - be anything they want to be. We push them on.

But along with fairies, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus - are we just kidding them?

I think maybe we are.

We're not preparing them for adversity, for sadness, for failure. We're not making them resilient by giving them everything they want without having to wait. We're not making them strong by building up their egos to such an extent that when the first crash happens, it will leave them floundering.

For all of our "I love you's" and kisses and cuddling, and "You're the best", that won't help much when our children are forced out into the real world, and learn that they can no longer rely upon unconditional love and kindness, as a given.

They may well be shocked to discover that their wants and needs are not paramount any more. They might well be rocked to learn that they are, after all, not the centre of the Universe (albeit having their own important role to play in it).

At times, they will likely meet with frustration, disappointment and defeat. Not everything will fall into their hands just for the asking.

We should be toughening them up, equipping them with the tools they need to face life outside of the home, instilling character and integrity into them. We should be making sure that if things fall, they have their own strength to fall back on.

We've taught them so far, that they're wonderful and can have anything they want. We forgot to mention that wherever they go, whatever they want to be, they will have to work for it. And we should be teaching them that now.