CAN'T YOU SPEAK PLAIN ENGLISH?

Don't you just hate all these changes to the way English should be spoken?

First we have KIDS TALK - that awful 'Innit', 'Yeah so?', 'Like', etc. It's a sort of modern-day Pigeon English, using several nonsensical, unconnected, words where the proper one word would be quite sufficient.

Then there's the maddening Australian inflection that has flooded our speech. That lifting of the voice at the end of a sentence, as though a question is being asked. "I went to the shops ? " WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME ! DON'T YOU REMEMBER IF YOU WENT TO THE SHOPS OR NOT?

Then there's all those stupid expressions, starting some years back with, 'I have a window in my diary'. Singing from the same hymn sheet. In the ballpark. Blue sky thinking. Flying a kite. Having a thought shower. Oh, just bugger off! Say what you mean.

Then we have that most annoying "I, myself, . . ." WELL, IT COULDN'T BE ANYONE ELSE, COULD IT?

Basically, Literally, Actually . . .

My latest 'speech sin' is something I've noticed in just the past few weeks, in radio interviews, and on the television (mostly politicians and the wheeled-out experts on something or other). It doesn't seem to have infiltrated into common speech yet. But it WILL! (Groan . . .)

And that is, when someone is asked a question, they begin their answer with 'SO'.

What does 2 + 2 make?

So, 2 + 2 equals 4.

STOP IT !

There's no need for a 'SO' there! 'SO' means therefore/in this way/as stated/very . . .

STOP IT, YOU STUPID SO AND SO'S ! And just answer the goddam question !